30 Seconds of Happiness

I wait and wait til my happiness comes and when it does no one is happy because everyone is quick to judge. The moments we have depend on everything we have because we always seem to have to hide everything. Our moments tend to be like an eclipse; rare and fast. Those 30 seconds come and go so quickly that it doesnt ever seem to want to say. We dont know which way we want it to go because our feelings are now depending on what other people think. Although it shouldnt matter, time is what is keeping us away. Time is what brought is together and time is whats keeping us apart. Born years apart and months in advance we have stoppped our own time. We are two ordinary people chasing two different things in the same enviorment. This doesnt mean we cant be together, its just that we dont match because the people in our own world have already decided our lives for us. Those 30 seconds of happiness quickly vanished and I am no longer the same, because being that we cant be together my happiness was just a stich in time.

Feeling Numb

Frenzyx3 11:50 pm: Idk what to say...Today I feel hopeless

Me: hopeless is my least worry...
today i feel sorrow and pain in my veins
today i felt death
it came by me earlier
it spoke 2 me
it left me
its gone
i can even make a new layer of sorrow and pain
and still it wont be over
becuz thats me
thats my lifestyle
is the life i bringggg
it wont get better
because then that means im doing something right
and i can never do anything right
everything makes me feel numb

Call me when September ends...

IM CRYING
im crying and it hurts
it hurts cuz its 2much
its 2 much for me 2 handle
at once
DEATH, PAIN, SORROW
ITS 2 MUCH
i cant stand the pain! the first of september was my downfall!
It was the worst part. Never have i hit rock bottom and
had such a hard time getting up. Never have i disappointed myself soo much.
How am i suppose 2 handle everything!! howW??!!1 Why are you giving me
to much for me to bare??!!! why!!! when am i suppose 2 smile and laugh again!
when will something be funny anymore. so funny i forget what pain is!
what the sorrow thats sucking me dry like an incubus!! WHEN??!!!
wHY does it all come in 3! why cant it just come one at a time..months apart!
why all together!! He wasnt young but you still took him away from me!
I dont drink as much as other people do but yet i have something thats eating me!!!
IVE BEEN SUPPORTED BUT YET I SEE HER SUFFER EVERYDAY!!!
SORROW!!! PAIN!!! && DEATH!!! I FEEL LIKE IM MARRIED TO THEM!!! & IM ONE PERSON!!
ANSWER MY QUESTIONS AND I WILL STOP ASKING!!!
NO FAITH OR PRAYER WILL TAKE THIS AWAY!!! WHY WHEN I CRY IT HURTS SO MUCH!!
THE ACHING IN the pit of my stomach is inevitable!!! tell me why!!!
if at the end of this isnt a fuckinggg light shining or a rainbow..I SWEARRRRRRRR TO
EVERYTHING IVEEE LOST THAT I WILL KILL YOU WITH MY OWN DEATH, PAIN AND SORROW!!!!!!
CALL ME WHEN SEPTEMBER ENDS, CUZ IM NOT WITH IT!!!

My three little ducklings..

I became one of you guys & it felt awesome. You guys made me feel like my old self again. I shared my secrets, we laughed, & i cried. I took chances that i never thought i would. You guys were my top 5 & then some fell off the wagon & now im left with 3. I became so close i had forgotten about my wounds, but you guys healed them. Time went by and people ask why but i put my finger across my mouth, & i became 2yrs old. I wont open my mouth and i wont say a word. I kept them close, and will hurt anyone who will come near them, emotionally that is. They were my angels & i was their guardian..Now i must walk away & keep them all a secret, just like that..Its all over..Until I get a cookie..

You wear your heart on your sleeve, I simply just laid it on your arms..

You wear your heart on your sleeve while I simply put it in your amrs. You told me you werent going to change now you walk around with a different name. I made you a man, & now you dont know how to act. I wanted to give you the most precious gift, yet you told me to kill me & forgetabout my precious pearl. I warmed up ur heart & you poured icy water all over my feelings. I gave you half of what i had and you deliberately took the whole thing. I spoke those sweet kind words, I gave up my religious rights, I GAVE YOU EVERYTHING YOU WANTED && you took it away. You violated me & then you smiled at my most prized posession. I gave you my heart & you wore it out.You werent a friend & you werent a good lover..you acted like a child & you became selfish because since i didnt want you, you ruined it for everyone else. You were miserable and i was you best company.

Disappointment

[D]ay to day [I] find myself feeling [S]orry about myself. Every minute of every hour is [A] battle within myself. [P]ity is what I stand for & suddenly I cant find MY [P]urpose in life. [O]ver all it gets quite annoying and [I]rritating. [N]ever changes, the same routine. [T]o stroll around without a care in the world & yet still be apart of the same useless routine. Disappointment. They say [M]isery loves company and I seem to seek it [E]verytime. [N]ever again will i learn to [T]rust someone because i end up hurting myself. Disappointment is my 6 sense.

24 hours of Shattered Glass...

Ever feel so broken and shattered inside & the only person to blame is yourself. My heart is empty inside with no emotions or feelings. I close my eyes and see every little thing that happened in the last 24 hours in slow motion. I have conquered pity and disappointment and matched it up accordingly to my lifestyle. I have faced death in the face and seen my future past right before my eyes. To think that only God can JUDGE you. To think ALL it takes is one word and two syllables. To think that my own dreams will be shattered glass and the day hasnt even started. I saw suffer, ive felt sorrow, i tasted dry edible cardboard, i heard HOPE bounce off my empty chest. I am now fighting against myself & thats what hurs the most. It takes 60 seconds to make a decision, but it takes 1 wrong move to feel the ache in my own body. 24 hours are in a day and with each minute your crushing someones happiness because of those 60 seconds that it took for you to make a decision. Once a glass always a glass, once a shattered glass, always a shattered glass. You cant fix a broken promise, crooked smile and a shallow heart. If you can only feel the pain I felt when I saw those green hazelnut cat eyes shed out those tears while they watched me from the stance, the heartache that burned me inside isnt at all suitable for ANY human being.

Im married to this shattered glass, because this shattered glass is me & every broken piece makes me who I am!

Anger is one letter short from DANGER

I don't believe in revenge because he's related to karma. Anger does HAND IN HAND with eruption! The explosion of a canyon or the evolving waves from my fist against the wall isnt the ending but the beginning once I feel the clench and the pain. The exhilirating feeling I get once i think about smashing ur head with a rock until your eyes pop out is uncanny. Their isnt any other way to describe to anyone the feeling of anger! It starts with something so little like a smart comment,confusion,stupidity, normality, pure ignorance, & even not making your bed after sleeping on it but it all ads up because anger is only as fed as dead && 'tis starving makes it fat! So now im stuffed and im parshed, so what do you do?! You find something to quench ur thirst and sarcasm is the perfect candidate! It helps you because you make everybody feel as useless as you did at what point.
-So next time you think about kicking a rock while your mad, realize that the consequences are way more than you think!

Ohh Waldo...

How beautiful the scene of nature. The glorious greeting it gives us. It reminds us how to take a chance on something we barely knew even if the nector isnt exactly what we are looking for. I went out for a walk and concluded to stay for a while to figure out that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and Nature is one thing that can never intrude while it knocks on the door. So take a change, open the door, because nature is the one beauty that you can get away from.

& in the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson.. =]
-Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.

Karma is a [BLEEP]

*I shall..BREATHE & Let everything ride out its own wave because what I cant do KARMA shall do it by itself. The fact that it takes you LIES to make you feel lke you doing something its pathetic. You claim you are a woman but your acting like a child, so Im going to be the lady that I am and not smash your head against the concrete of your own building..Ima just walk away, but dont sleep at all, cuz my goons ride in your dreams =][LRG]*

& in the amazing words of my G T.Edwards..
-Thoughts lead on to purposes; purposes go forth in action; actions form habits; habits decide character; and character fixes our destiny. ~Tryon Edwards

Blurred Vision...

People choose to see what they want to see. I don't understand why choose not to put on glasses and see clearer. Its no that difficult.. Don't ask for my opinion, crush it and ball it up and shoot it out. This is not your winning team and you don't always score. I don't want to murder your dreams, and slaughter your emotions but it is what it is and life does move on with or without the person. Someone does deserve your heart whether you think its broken. Not being able to see someone because you dont want to,has nothing to do with the next person. They deserve your vision, whether its blur or clear.

Living on a thread..

Everyday goes by and I find myself living on a thread. I am constantly reminded of how much a disappointment I am to everyone. I take steps forward and find myself taking 5 steps back everyday. I twist and twirl, I flip and flop just to try and find my own bliss of happiness. To feel that seperation is not an option & to know that depression can no longer be a factor. To find my own compound of bliss can only depend on myself and nothing more.

Baseball Team

**{My heat beats for the game you play;;dont strike out!}

Bases loaded, the counts 3-0
all I'm gonna do is either take a chance
or walk into your love.


**Ball Drops,
Crowd Gasp,
&& yet the xhilirationg of the wind passes rite by the bat...
Are you making a run for it?

Who said I was gonna swing?
The only thing on my mind is a walk!
If I hit, I'll be moving to quick
I'll take my chance with the pitcher on this one
Like that I could take my time around the bases...
Till I hit home plate

**Hooray! You'v won the game,
&& yet everythings still the same,
becuz 1,2,3 isnt jus that easy
if im on the opossing team,
then i guess ill jus strike out..

Fall For You --- Fermata Nowhere --- ICCA's 2009

--> these negros..bueno these chinos..ARE THE SHIT!!hands down!!

Misery

I thought of such a way to get you away,
For you are what keeps me awake at night
My heart pounds of such syllable, trying to pronounce
Not understanding how 26 letters can make out 8

You wake me up everyday with anger, such fustration and still i try to avoid,
How can I not make you go away,
So close to blood that water cant even thicken thru
Mite as well cal you family
Becasue 8 letters is 8 letters,
and syllables are syllables.

I cant seem to get you to go away but then *PAUSE*
Realizing that your jus lead and you can be erased
But the ignorance of not wanting is what keeps you alive.

Catching up with water
Running through like a rapid disease
Covering up every happy thought
I can not chose,
Because 6 letters is 6 letters
and syllables are syllables

Lightning don't strike the same place twice.

No women know's til she has suffered from the night,
How sweet and clear its to her heart and the eyes that the morning see
-No man knows the pain and exhiliration til he has suffered from the hours of labor, once those olive eyes open for the first time
-No one knows the endurance of their life unless they have that sacred touch,
-No MAN can wipe my eyes to dark that clouds blur my vision
For I never look back,
never close my eyes,
For I wear wings on my back and love more than its meaning
For YOU cant see wit my clear vision
&& cant feel this feeling that takes over.

Song of Myself♥

Take me as i am or watch me as i go
Government knows me as Lauren Guerrero
not chosen but given
est. since may 9th 1992
abstract colors express my individualism
raging teenager who hates ignorance

my life is a runaway train, it never stops
sometimes on a plane; life is unstable
learned to live with defiance & abondonments
muh heart beats for music, but aches for love
i am who i am , not what i want to become.

my parents are starangers to me in everything
school is everchanging
met thousands of people all around the world
none to stay very long
my passion is for a famous mouse
inner child screams within
wanting to release; outburtst with joy
but i am LAUREN, shy girl,
who will never open her heart
never trust a soul
for ive lived to myself, byself as long as i can remember
If i can change muh name
It will be Soledad

The Memories Come and Go

The Memories come, the people go

The memories come, the people go
Every morning came and my self esteem was still low
Without your presence I can’t even see the real me
Makes me want to get up, get up and flee
And the memories come, the people go

Whether light, whether glow
I can feel the days go by so slow
In my own depths of solitude I can overcome the basic simplicity
If he can only remember to give me one more opportunity
And the memories come, the people go

The pain from the vessels in the veins still flow
And as the months passed you think they’d know
The colorless droplets from the rain
Can’t even express my pain
And the memories come, the people go