30 Seconds of Happiness

I wait and wait til my happiness comes and when it does no one is happy because everyone is quick to judge. The moments we have depend on everything we have because we always seem to have to hide everything. Our moments tend to be like an eclipse; rare and fast. Those 30 seconds come and go so quickly that it doesnt ever seem to want to say. We dont know which way we want it to go because our feelings are now depending on what other people think. Although it shouldnt matter, time is what is keeping us away. Time is what brought is together and time is whats keeping us apart. Born years apart and months in advance we have stoppped our own time. We are two ordinary people chasing two different things in the same enviorment. This doesnt mean we cant be together, its just that we dont match because the people in our own world have already decided our lives for us. Those 30 seconds of happiness quickly vanished and I am no longer the same, because being that we cant be together my happiness was just a stich in time.

Feeling Numb

Frenzyx3 11:50 pm: Idk what to say...Today I feel hopeless

Me: hopeless is my least worry...
today i feel sorrow and pain in my veins
today i felt death
it came by me earlier
it spoke 2 me
it left me
its gone
i can even make a new layer of sorrow and pain
and still it wont be over
becuz thats me
thats my lifestyle
is the life i bringggg
it wont get better
because then that means im doing something right
and i can never do anything right
everything makes me feel numb

Call me when September ends...

IM CRYING
im crying and it hurts
it hurts cuz its 2much
its 2 much for me 2 handle
at once
DEATH, PAIN, SORROW
ITS 2 MUCH
i cant stand the pain! the first of september was my downfall!
It was the worst part. Never have i hit rock bottom and
had such a hard time getting up. Never have i disappointed myself soo much.
How am i suppose 2 handle everything!! howW??!!1 Why are you giving me
to much for me to bare??!!! why!!! when am i suppose 2 smile and laugh again!
when will something be funny anymore. so funny i forget what pain is!
what the sorrow thats sucking me dry like an incubus!! WHEN??!!!
wHY does it all come in 3! why cant it just come one at a time..months apart!
why all together!! He wasnt young but you still took him away from me!
I dont drink as much as other people do but yet i have something thats eating me!!!
IVE BEEN SUPPORTED BUT YET I SEE HER SUFFER EVERYDAY!!!
SORROW!!! PAIN!!! && DEATH!!! I FEEL LIKE IM MARRIED TO THEM!!! & IM ONE PERSON!!
ANSWER MY QUESTIONS AND I WILL STOP ASKING!!!
NO FAITH OR PRAYER WILL TAKE THIS AWAY!!! WHY WHEN I CRY IT HURTS SO MUCH!!
THE ACHING IN the pit of my stomach is inevitable!!! tell me why!!!
if at the end of this isnt a fuckinggg light shining or a rainbow..I SWEARRRRRRRR TO
EVERYTHING IVEEE LOST THAT I WILL KILL YOU WITH MY OWN DEATH, PAIN AND SORROW!!!!!!
CALL ME WHEN SEPTEMBER ENDS, CUZ IM NOT WITH IT!!!

My three little ducklings..

I became one of you guys & it felt awesome. You guys made me feel like my old self again. I shared my secrets, we laughed, & i cried. I took chances that i never thought i would. You guys were my top 5 & then some fell off the wagon & now im left with 3. I became so close i had forgotten about my wounds, but you guys healed them. Time went by and people ask why but i put my finger across my mouth, & i became 2yrs old. I wont open my mouth and i wont say a word. I kept them close, and will hurt anyone who will come near them, emotionally that is. They were my angels & i was their guardian..Now i must walk away & keep them all a secret, just like that..Its all over..Until I get a cookie..

You wear your heart on your sleeve, I simply just laid it on your arms..

You wear your heart on your sleeve while I simply put it in your amrs. You told me you werent going to change now you walk around with a different name. I made you a man, & now you dont know how to act. I wanted to give you the most precious gift, yet you told me to kill me & forgetabout my precious pearl. I warmed up ur heart & you poured icy water all over my feelings. I gave you half of what i had and you deliberately took the whole thing. I spoke those sweet kind words, I gave up my religious rights, I GAVE YOU EVERYTHING YOU WANTED && you took it away. You violated me & then you smiled at my most prized posession. I gave you my heart & you wore it out.You werent a friend & you werent a good lover..you acted like a child & you became selfish because since i didnt want you, you ruined it for everyone else. You were miserable and i was you best company.

Disappointment

[D]ay to day [I] find myself feeling [S]orry about myself. Every minute of every hour is [A] battle within myself. [P]ity is what I stand for & suddenly I cant find MY [P]urpose in life. [O]ver all it gets quite annoying and [I]rritating. [N]ever changes, the same routine. [T]o stroll around without a care in the world & yet still be apart of the same useless routine. Disappointment. They say [M]isery loves company and I seem to seek it [E]verytime. [N]ever again will i learn to [T]rust someone because i end up hurting myself. Disappointment is my 6 sense.

24 hours of Shattered Glass...

Ever feel so broken and shattered inside & the only person to blame is yourself. My heart is empty inside with no emotions or feelings. I close my eyes and see every little thing that happened in the last 24 hours in slow motion. I have conquered pity and disappointment and matched it up accordingly to my lifestyle. I have faced death in the face and seen my future past right before my eyes. To think that only God can JUDGE you. To think ALL it takes is one word and two syllables. To think that my own dreams will be shattered glass and the day hasnt even started. I saw suffer, ive felt sorrow, i tasted dry edible cardboard, i heard HOPE bounce off my empty chest. I am now fighting against myself & thats what hurs the most. It takes 60 seconds to make a decision, but it takes 1 wrong move to feel the ache in my own body. 24 hours are in a day and with each minute your crushing someones happiness because of those 60 seconds that it took for you to make a decision. Once a glass always a glass, once a shattered glass, always a shattered glass. You cant fix a broken promise, crooked smile and a shallow heart. If you can only feel the pain I felt when I saw those green hazelnut cat eyes shed out those tears while they watched me from the stance, the heartache that burned me inside isnt at all suitable for ANY human being.

Im married to this shattered glass, because this shattered glass is me & every broken piece makes me who I am!